And then I kissed him
by laraiteforever
Summary: A J&G fic. A new doctor arrives at St Aidans. References to the movie Pearl Harbor. Now finished!
1. Chapter 1

And then I kissed him... part 1

The snow was falling heavily when she arrived home. Gordon was already there, refreshed from his well deserved day off. She'd had her fair share of excitement, from her usual gathering of hypochondriacs to a Road traffic accident, a difficult birth and a mental patient who'd attacked her because he was convinced he was trying to poison him. She'd had very little time to herself, and was relieved when the day finally drew to a close. She threw her coat and bag down, and wondered through to the living room, where Gordon was curled up in front of the fire.

"Hey! Have a good day?" He asked, giving her the cup of tea she'd been yearning for all day.

"Not really. But it's just got a little better. Missed you." Jill replied, curling up beside him, then placing her cup carefully on the small table.

"And I missed you" Gordon said, picking up a small blanket and wrapping it around her. She smiled, then yawning loudly.

"You ok?" He asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a little under the weather that's all. Nothing a good night's sleep won't fix. Look I hope you don't mind but I'm going to have an early night, seeing as you've done a great job of putting the children to bed. Let's just hope Jonathon sleeps through eh?"

"He's been getting better every night. Think he'll sleep all the way through tonight. Anyway you go, and I won't be far behind" Gordon said, helping her to her feet. As he did so she tensed, releasing herself from his grip.

"You sure you're ok? Something hurting?" Gordon asked, placing his hand in hers.

"Look, it's nothing honest. If it gets worse than I'll tell you ok? So stop worrying. I'll be fine." And with that she made her way upstairs, leaving Gordon standing there, slightly confused. Usually she'd be more than happy to see him after a long day at work, but tonight she was all on edge, and he was determined to find out why.

That night Jonathon slept all night, but someone else wasn't. Jill was restless, tossing and turning, waking up every 5 minutes. Unbeknown to her Gordon was awake aswell, trying to think of why.

_Maybe she's right. Maybe she is coming down with something. If only she could tell me what._

He decided to wake her, as it soon became obvious that she wasn't going to sleep comfortably through the night. He shook her gently, whispering her name quietly, trying to wake her up. She eventually woke up, shaking and close to tears.

"Hey come on... It was only a dream. Only a dream" He whispered, still confused, hoping now that she'll tell him what he wants to hear.

_Only a dream.__ But what could have possibly happened for her to be like this? But I'll ask round tomorrow, __If__ I go in that is, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it._

"I thought he was going to... going to do it again" Jill stuttered, resting her head on the pillow.

_Who? Who was going to do what again? It's up to me to find out..._


	2. Snowed under

The next day Gordon decided he was going to go in, and Jill went too. She'd told him about the previous day's events over breakfast, and apologized for worrying him and keeping him awake. Talking it through helped her a lot, and she wanted that to be the end of it. Praying that it would be a quiet day and that no one would bring it up. As they walked into reception they were met by Lizzie and David Cheriton, who were discussing the forthcoming wedding.

"Morning! Have a nice day off Gordon?" David asked, picking up his surgery list and glancing over the list of patients who had requested house visits.

"Hi. Yeah yesterday was ok, got through lots of paperwork and Jonathon kept me busy. So what have I got today?"

"Well. Here's your afternoon surgery list, and there's your house calls. And here's yours Dr Weatherill... looks like you've got an operation in the morning. Ooh and your anaesthetist today is.. It's Doctor Ormerod" Lizzie said, sounding slightly surprised. Jill picked up her surgery list, and sighed. Right at the top was Mrs Lyons, who had been in every other week with a new complaint.

"Looks like I got the short straw! Anyway I'd best be starting my ward rounds. Or are we going to stay here gossiping?" She asked, glancing over at Gordon's surgery list.

_He'll be here for ages with that lot, _she thought. _ We really could do with another doctor._

She wondered down to her office, leaving the two boys chatting. Placing her notes on her immaculate desk, she walked slowly down to Fawcett ward, where Matron was waiting.

"Ahh Dr Weatherill, nice of you to join us. Right shall we begin?" Matron said, sounding slightly annoyed. This was not unusual, as the lack of doctors meant that they were often late for little things like ward rounds and surgeries. They headed over to their first patient, and the ward round began. Jill following Matron around, listening to her every word. She couldn't wait to see Gordon again.

Once the round was over Jill retreated back to her office. She sat down at her desk, wondering where Gordon was. Looking back over her surgery list she spotted some more 'regulars' who liked to pop in for a chat, rather than having anything medically wrong with them. Staring out of the window which overlooked the courtyard she could see flakes of snow falling, settling on the already blanketed grass outside. She could hear the door opening, and turned to face them, thinking it was Gordon, coming to save her, whisk her away somewhere nice. She paused as she felt a unexpected wave of nausea wash over her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Jill... you alright?" It was David, who walked in and sat on the chair next to hers. She composed herself before facing him.

"Yeah I'm fine" Came her reply. She really didn't want to ramble, or spill everything, only realising what she'd said later.

"You look as white as a sheet. Look I've got a gap in my afternoon surgery if you'd like to come and see me. Maybe get you some time off. Talk perhaps? Anyway what I came to say was that Sister's looking for you. Wants you to check on the baby." He said, looking sympathetically at her.

"Yes. Of course. About the other thing... I don't know. I mean I've got a full surgery, and it's probably going to be another late night. Maybe tomorrow. " Jill finished, her attention back on what was happening outside.

"What time does your surgery start?" David asked, glancing over his surgery list.

"Erm... 2:00" Jill replied, sighing loudly.

"Well I could fit you in before, cause I don't start till 2:45" David suggested.

"Look I'd better go. Think I'll take you up on that offer" Jill replied, before rushing out of her room, and down to the nursery, where Sister brigid was waiting.


	3. A problem shared

The day progressed quickly and soon it was time for afternoon surgery. Gordon's was in full swing and Jill's patients were filling up the waiting area. She looked at her watch.. 1:45. _Just enough time to pop in and see David. _ As she approached his door, she paused. _Was this the right thing to do? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? It's probably nothing._

She knocked and went inside, where David was sitting at his desk, sorting out his patient notes. He turned to face her, smiling, and he placed his pen on the desk.

"Decided to take you up on that offer...if it still stands, that is" Jill said, sitting down on a chair beside his.

"Cause it does. So . What's up?" David asked, giving Jill his undivided attention for the next quarter of an hour.

"It's probably nothing.. Look I don't know if this is right. What if Gordon finds out?" Jill asked, slightly worried about Gordon's reaction should he ever find out.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it eh? So. Do you wanna talk?" David asked, concern written all over his face.

"Ok... I'm just not feeling great that's all. I'm fine. Honest. The attack scared me a little, and I didn't sleep well last night. Kept Gordon up, not that I wanted to. The first night Jonathon sleeps through and I can't. Seemed impossible. Spent most of the night backwards and forwards no real sense of direction. Just wanted to sleep. Yet I couldn't. "Jill replied, yawning as she did so. David glanced out of the window. Then came his reply...

"I don't know Jill. I assume you've talked to Gordon, told him what happened?"

"Yes, he knows. Can't say he was best pleased" Jill replied, following David's eyes, which were staring out of the window, then back at her.

"And this morning. What happened there?" He asked, thinking of what to say next.

"I just felt a bit faint that's all. Soon came out of it that's all. Was nothing. Look I'd better go. I've got patients waiting. I'll be here all night as it is." She replied, wondering what David's response would be.

"Well if it happens again I could always give you something to help you sleep, but I really think you should sit down and talk to Gordon. Do this together?" He replied, giving Jill something to think about.

"Yes. I will. Thank you" And with that she left, ready to face the barrage of patients that she was due to see that afternoon. But some of them were Gordon's , as well as her own. She walked up to reception, and called out her first patient of the day.

"Miss Lloyd? If you'd like to come with me.." And with that she walked down to her consulting room, patient in tow.

_Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Oh well, one more... Just the one and then I'm out of here. Back home. Spend time with Gordon and the children, lets just hope that I can actually get some sleep tonight. Don't want another night like last night._

Looking at the last name on her list, she sighed. It read Mrs Lyons. The patient passed onto her by Gordon, was notorious for making up symptoms just to come in and have a friendly chat. There was a knock on the door.

"Dr Weatherill... Mrs Lyons has just phoned, says she's changed her mind and won't be coming in after all" Lizzie said smiling, Jill thanking her and Lizzie left. _That went quicker than I imagined. Just go and get Gordon and we can go. _

She walked down to his office, where he was just locking up. He looked slightly surprised.

"Hey.. you finished already?" He asked, picking up his bag and doing up his coat.

"Yeah, Mrs Lyons cancelled. So. You ready to go?" She asked, placing her hand in his and they walked out, into the snow covered car park.


	4. Snowed in

It was still snowing when they awoke the next morning. Gordon woke up first, and headed towards the window. Looking out he sighed, and walked back over to the bed.

_It's covered. There's no way the car will get through that. Looks like we're snowed in! And Tom and Katie will have to miss school. They'll like that._

Gordon sat down beside her, and started to wake her, Jill under the impression that she was due to go to work, sat up and smiled. Gordon looked out of the window, before turning back to her.

"Morning! Can have a nice slow day today. Looks like we're snowed in. The roads are covered and it's still coming down. The radio says loads of roads are shut and schools have closed" Gordon said, reeling off information that he'd just made up, there and then. Jill stood up and shakily walked over to the window, the duvet now thrown on the floor.

"I see what you mean. Right. So Now that I'm up, I'll go and check on the children" Jill decided, putting the crumpled duvet back on the bed. She put on her dressing gown, and sat down again.

"There's really no need. They're all still asleep" Gordon said, stopping her. He sat down next to her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, Ok then. Looks like it's just us 2 early birds" Jill whispered, rearranging the duvet, before yawning. She crawled back into bed, gesturing for Gordon to come and join her.

"I'll go ring work, if anyone's made it in that is. Then I'd be honoured to join you, Mrs Ormerod" Gordon said, smiling like a little schoolboy. He walked over to the door.

"I'll be back in a minute" He said, before walking out.

_Can't remember when I last done this... me and Gordon, enjoying a lovely well deserved day off work. __Slightly unexpected, but lovely all the same.__ Don't have to think about work all day... in fact I'm going to stay here. __In my bed, with my husband.__ Perfect._

Wasn't long before Gordon walked back in, laughing to himself.

"What? What's so funny??" Jill asked, slightly confused.

"Well. Seems only the nurses and Lizzie have made it in, Frankie's on his way in and David's walking in. So I think we're better off here." Gordon said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Someone's up. Better go and see who it is" He whispered, before going downstairs. He found Katie rummaging around, looking for something.

"Morning. You looking for something?" Gordon asked.

"Yeah. Can't find my other shoe. How come Tom isn't up yet? He'll be late for school" Katie asked, rummaging through the pile of shoes that sat by the front door.

"Have you looked outside? Heard schools closed!" Gordon said, walking over and opening the curtains. Katie ran over, and dropped her other shoe.

"Wow!! Nice one dad" Katie shouted, Gordon quickly reminded her that Tom, Jonathon and Jill were sleeping and that they could go out and play later. Katie ran upstairs, back to bed.

_This'll be nice. Us spending the day together, not having to worry about school or work. Really should go back to Jill, she's probably wondering whats going on. Maybe she'd like a nice cup of tea, yeah. She'd like that. _

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a loud noise coming from upstairs. He ran up, and found the bathroom door locked...


	5. pregnant pause

He walked over to Katie's room, to try and see who was in the bathroom. She was still in her room, and Tom was in his, so it must be Jill, or Jonathon had magically learned to walk and lock doors. He knocked tentatively on the bathroom door, just to see if she was alright.

"Jill.. you alright in there? It's just I.." And before he could finish the door opened, and He saw Jill sitting on the edge of the bath. He sat down beside her, tucking a loose strand of hair away. He also reached for a tissue, and wiped away a stray tear which was making it's way down her face.

_Could she? What if? No, she couldn't be, or she'd have told me. Or maybe she's just found out, I mean after all Henry said if we'd have another it'd be well looked after... Or should I just ask her. Ask her if she's pregnant._

They sat there, Jill desperately trying to regain her composure, and trying to disguise the fact that she simply wasn't feeling well.

_I can't be. It's too soon after Jonathon, and we hardly spend any time with him at all. Work's to hectic and.. Ooh I've just remembered. Work's off limits today. This has ruined any chance of me spending any quality time with Gordon and the children. No. No I can't be... can I?_

"Jill... I have to ask. Are you pregnant? " Gordon asked, biting the bullet and asking outright. He waited anxiously for her reaction.

"No. I can't be. And besides... we'd agreed to wait now" Jill said, slowly getting to her feet.

"Ok. Look why don't you go back to bed? At least it's warmer in there!" Gordon suggested, wrapping his arm round hers, and steadily walking back to the bedroom. She looked at him, before deciding that it probably was the best idea.

"And we'll look after you until you get better. Doctors orders!" Gordon added, laughing quietly. Jill couldn't help but laugh with him, but her sore throat prevented her from doing so.

"Ok. And what does the Doctor prescribe then?" She asked, laughing once more.

"Well, lets see. I think lots of TLC and bedrest would do just nicely. You agree Dr Weatherill?" Gordon asked, his smile lighting up the darkened room.

"Yes I think so" Jill said, pulling the duvet up. Gordon kissed her and pulled up the blanket , so that she was definately warm enough.

"I'll let you get some sleep again. And if you need anything then shout" He said, before starting to close the door.

"Yes, thank you. And I will doctor."Jill replied, before closing her eyes and falling asleep, Gordon walking over and closing the curtains. He walked out, only to be met by Tom, who had decided to come out of his room.

"Dad, what's the matter with Jill?" He asked.

"Just a bit under the weather. That's all. But we're all going to have to keep an eye out for her today" Gordon replied, smiling once more.

_It's probably that bug thats doing the rounds. Just make sure Tom, Katie and Jonathon don't get it. Spose thats what happens when you work with sick people.. you pick up the bug that they've had and it settles itself in until it decides to move on. I just want her well again, and she's definately not pregnant. Definately not. Not going to be going through all the pregnancy stuff again. Shame really. _


	6. Nature's law

Nature's law

A few hours had passed and the snow had now stopped, and was beginning to clear, much to Tom and Katie's disappointment. They'd spent the best part of the morning outside, playing and throwing snowballs at each other, causing them to get all wet and cold.

Jill had just woken, and was now happily staring out of the window, thinking about what happened earlier. It was all possible. She wanted to escape for a while. Sort her head out. Gordon was so busy with the children he wouldn't notice, or would he? Saying that he probably would.

_Bad idea .I could just picture it now. Gordon running into the maternity ward, doing his superman impression that he does so well. Then finding out it's a false alarm, which this is. A false alarm. It's going to amount to nothing. I knew last time, but this time... I just feel empty. Like there's nothing there. __Nothing at all._

Her thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming up the stairs. Instantly recognizing them as Gordon's, she moved those thoughts to the back of her mind.

"Hey... feeling any better?" He asked, placing a glass of water on the bedside table, before standing next to her. He placed a hand on her forehead, sighing quietly.

"You're burning up. You taken anything?"

"No. Can't keep anything down. Been backwards and forwards to the bathroom like a yo-yo." She replied, before walking back to the bed.

"Ok, look the snow's clearing. Maybe I could get a doctor out. But thinking about it it'd be only David in, so I could try Ashfordly General. Shouldn't be as bad there, and it'd probably be easier." Jill nodded, not having enough the strength to argue.

"And what I said before... I was just worried. You were fine yesterday" He said, picking up Jill's coat, which had fallen on the floor. He placed it on a chair, on top of his. He smiled, sensing Jill's concern and he sat down next to her, placing his hand reassuringly on hers, his smile lighting up the room.

_It'll be ok. Keep telling myself that. She hasn't been like this since... you know what? I can't actually remember. But __It'll all__ sort itself out and she'll be ok. __Back to normal.__ She has this habit of pretending to be OK, but she's really not. Who knows how long she's been like this? __Too long.__ What if she went to work today? And she collapsed somewhere. At least she's at home, tucked up in bed, where she belongs. __At home._

_"_Gordon... I just want to know what's wrong with me. And why did it happen so suddenly. Like you said... I was fine yesterday"

"I'll be back in a minute. Have a couple of phone calls to make." And with that Gordon hurriedly walked out, knowing exactly what he wanted to do. Leaving her sitting there, wondering what was possibly so urgent. And who was he phoning?


	7. Nothing at all

Nothing at all

A few minutes later and Gordon returned.Looking like a man on a mission. He walked back into the bedroom, put his hand on the radiator, before staring blankly out of the window. He then turned back to face Jill.

"I've mad a few phonecalls. Sister B's agreed to look after the children. She's on her way now. And I've rung The royal. They've cancelled surgeries, and they're only doing emergencies for today. Not enough Doctors. So I've got an appointment at Ashfordly with a friend of mine.You remember Maddie? She was at our wedding?"

"Oh yes, I remember. Spent most of the day being followed by Alun or so I remember. Not very lucky in love is he?" Jill replied, wondering over to her wardrobe.

_So supernun's on her way over. Great. Don't know why but she always makes me feel guilty. Maybe it's her footloose and fancy free attitude. Nothing to tie her down. Plus she's great with the kids. A natural. Unlike me. Took me a while to get used to the idea, now I wouldn't be without him. Strange eh? Maddie.. the name rings a bell. Remember speaking to her at our wedding, seemed alright. Can't say I know her all too well mind. But I've heard lots about her, and she sounds like a great doctor. Should be interesting. Maybe we'll get the new doctor after all... ease the workload._

"So.. what time are we seeing her?" She asked, pulling out some clothes from her wardrobe. She threw them on the bed.

"Erm. Hang on, I've written it down somewhere..." He said, rummaging through his pockets. He smiled as he pulled out a crumpled post-it note.

"Found it!" He said, looking at the small piece of paper. " Half 3. Plenty of time then" He said, placing down on the table.

"Ok. That's fine. Where did you put the... oh here it is" Jill said, managing a weak laugh, as she found the nearly empty bottle of aspirin. She held it up, just to see how many there were. "So, what do you think? Good idea or not?"

"I'd say not. Especially as you're not keeping much down. Have you actually eaten anything today?" He asked, as he found a plate on the floor.

"Not really. I've tried, honest. But nothing seems to be agreeing with me. Nothing at all" She said, lying down on the bed, kicking off the duvet, causing it to fall in a big heap on the floor. She was soon distracted by a knock on the door.

"That'll be Sister B. I'll just get that" Gordon added, unaware that Jill followed him out onto the landing, knowing that if she was caught Gordon would send her straight back to bed, no questions. She watched as events unfolded downstairs.

"Hi.. thank you so much for coming... please come in"

"I'm sorry to hear that Dr Weatherill's not feeling well. How is she?" Sister asked.

"Not brilliant.. taking her over to Ashfordly later. Going to get to the bottom of it." Gordon said, picking up Jonathon and sitting him on his knee.

"My.. hasn't he grown? How old is he now?" She asked.

"He's 9 months" Jill said, poking her head round the door. Everyone stopped and looked at her, Gordon smiling

"Jill.. you should be..." He started, moving up, giving Jill room to sit down, and curl up if she wanted to.

"In bed tucked up and fast asleep I know. Thank you for coming sister" She said, slowly making her way over to Gordon, sitting down next to him.

"The other two are upstairs doing their homework. Tom's having fun with maths and Katies doing her english. Should keep them busy for ages" He said, laughing as Jonathon smiled, looking lovingly at his mother, who fought back the tears as she watched Gordon hand him over to Sister Brigid, who carefully balanced him on her knee.

"He'll be fine. There's no need to worry" Sister added, as Jill buried her head in Gordons shoulder, not wanting Sister Brigid and Jonathon to see her crying.

_It's nothing. They're going to see me and tell me there's nothing wrong. Nothing at all..._


	8. I lay my love on you

They walked into the large, darkened waiting room, and a small group of people from all walks of life turned to look at them Jill hid nervously behind Gordon, slowly making their way through the sea of people to the back of the room, safe in the knowledge that nobody knew them. An elderly couple moved up, the man willingly giving up his seat, so that Jill could sit down. Gordon knelt protectively beside her, smiling reassuringly. The old couple smiled , before various nurses came and collected patients.

Jill rested her head wearily on Gordon's shoulder , smiling weakly. His heart sank as he saw her pale complexion, her eyes heavy from lack of sleep, and by now they were struggling to stay open.She looked a shadow of her former self, blinded by the bright lights.

_How much longer? Not much longer I hope. I don't know how much longer I can stay awake for. My eyes are so heavy it feels like they've got heavy weights attached pulling them down. Wanting them to close. There's so many people here it could take ages, we could be here all day. Just to be told there's nothing wrong. Probably want to give me something and send me home._

"New doctor.. we need a new doctor" Jill whispered, thinking of anything just to stay awake. Gordon looked at her, slightly bemused.

"Why's that?" He asked, curious to find out why. There were a milllion different reasons as to why Jill would say that.

"Too many patients. Be easier" She replied, hoping that Gordon would agree with her.

"Ok.. Sounds ok to me.I'll speak to Mr Middleditch. Anyway I thought that work was off limits today" He said, thinking that a joke might raise her spirits.

"That went out the window ages ago" Jill replied, smiling nervously as another couple of nurses came and went.

"How much longer?"She asked, staring blankly at the clock, which read 3:35.

"Not much longer. Won't be long now" He replied, watching expectantly for any sign that it'd soon be their turn. Everytime a nurse walked in his hopes were raised, then quickly dashed.

_She said half three, and that she wasn't that busy. Maybe Jill's right. Maybe we do need a new doctor. I mean if Jill takes time off theres no way we'd cope having 2 doctors, running here there and everywhere. Someone to halve her workload. Recently she's taken on all the new patients. Yeah. Like that idea._

His hopes were raised once more as another nurse walked in. She looked down at her piece of paper, and read out a name. Her name. Gordon stood up, and helped Jill to her feet. They slowly made their way to the door.

"See... I told you it wouldn't be long" Gordon whispered, holding her hand tightly. The nurse smiled as they started the slow walk down to Maddie's office.

_Why can't I walk straight? And why is it so hard? And it hurts. Trying to stand upright actually hurts. Guess I haven't thought about it before. Probably cause I have plenty of time to think about it. Now I'm scared. Actually panicking here. Now it's not nothing... It's actually something..._


	9. Fallen angel

_They know something. Something that I don't .Even Gordon seems completely in the dark. Few more tests they said. Not going to take long she said. But I don't know why this is happening. I actually don't. It was all a blur. I remember some of what happened. Almost falling into a heap on the floor, and almost taking Gordon down with me. Now I'm lying here, in a crowded ward being poked and prodded like a pin cushion. Let's hope I can go home soon. I've been here 45 minutes and I want to see Jonathon. Miss him loads already._

_Gordon's talking to one of the nurses. Not sure why, who knows what's being said. All I know is that there's a lot of concerned faces, all looking at me. Watching me. Waiting for the test results, which should finally give us some answers. Then once they know what's wrong they can do something about it. _

_I can tell Gordon's scared. He doesn't need to say anything. I just know. And to be perfectly honest I'm scared too. I don't like not knowing. I like people to tell me straight. No hiding._

_I can see Gordon outside. He's talking now to a doctor, who I've never seen before. He's holding a large envelope, like the one x rays come in. I'm scared now. Can only be serious. Otherwise why would they be doing that? If it was simple they would tell me._

They walked in, Maddie carrying a large envelope. They walked towards the bed, Gordon rushing towards her. Concern written all over his face. It became obvious that he knew.

Maddie placed the envelope down, before removing its contents.

"I know what's been making you feel so ill" She began. Jill turned towards Gordon, the look of fear in her eyes.

"What? Gordon? Anyone" She asked, desperate for answers.

"We've found something. Now it's more than likely to be nothing, but I don't want to give false hope" Maddie said, thinking of how to tell her.

"I've been looking at the x ray, and I've consulted another doctor. It appears that you have a mass in your abdomen. Now like I said, it's probably nothing. It looks to be in the early stages" She said, looking first at Gordon, then at Jill.

"And...you knew?" She asked, assuming that by Gordon's reaction that he did.

"I'm sorry" Gordon whispered.

"Sorry what? Could it be... is it what I think it could be?" Jill asked, still wondering what it was.

_So. Could it be cancer? No. Couldn't think like that. Must think positive. Hopefully it's benign, and it's just a scare. A pretty nasty one at that. But I have to be strong. She's scared, and I just want her to be Ok. My lovely fallen angel._

"I know it's going to get worse, and I need you to hold my hand Gordon... cause I'm scared too"


	10. See who I am

_As I sit here, I think. If it is what I think it is, then that's it. Game over. No more __children,__ and life will be put on hold for however long it takes. If it isn't, then __that's__ a really nasty scare, something that I'll keep with me forever. It'll stay here whichever roa_d it takes. _The __doctor,__ says that it's not serious. Probably been there for a __while and what happened __helped move things along a bit. __Could say that the quick attack saved me.__ Guess I have him to thank, cause if it never happened then who knows?_

_Gordon says there's nothing to worry about. He's probably right. He usually is. I wonder what's happening next. Something tells me it's going to involve an overnight stay, possibly longer. __Away from everything.__ Away from the people who mean the most to me. _

_Wonder when I'll find out. What if it's too late? No. Mustn't think like that. Gordon says so. And he's usually right. I always listen to him. Always have. Always will. They're coming. _

They walked up to her, a group comprising of doctors, some of whom she had never seen before, and some nurses, which were slowly becoming familiar to them. One of the doctors stepped forward, and picked up her notes.

"Dr Walker's passed you onto me. Get you sorted out and home in no time eh?" He stated, smiling sympathetically.

"So, what I'd like to do is to operate. I know that's not wanted to hear but we have no other option, and then you should make a full recovery. "

_I smiled, possibly for the first time that day. But I think that must've been the what seemed like industrial strength painkillers talking. I felt fine, and I wanted to go home. __Absolutely fine.__ However if they wore off it'd be a different story. I just want to be fine. I know I'm not though. __Far from it._

_I want to go far away, and come back refreshed and well again. __Anywhere but here._

_"_When?" She asked, the nerves beginning to show.

"I'm hoping to get you in tonight. I've put you at the end of my list" He said, giving her that try not to worry it'll be fine look. The look that she'd given so many times before. However it provided little reassurance.

"Tonight? But that's too soon, I'm not sure.. I feel fine" She replied.

"You need this Jill, and you'll feel a million times better after this. Promise" Gordon added, his words becoming firmly fixed in Jill's memory.

"Well if Gordon says it's ok, then... it's ok with me too" She replied, smiling back at Gordon, the grip on his hand getting tighter.

"Ok then. I'll see you later" And with that he left, followed by the group of doctors and nurses. It was then that it sank in.

_That's what I was expecting. Nothing knew there. Now I have to fight harder than before..._


	11. All eyes on me

_They don't know what they're doing. They actually don't know. I'm terrified of what they'll find. It's probably in the really early stages, and it'll all be ok .Can't say I'm overly looking forward to it, for fear of what they might find._

"I can't do this Gordon" Jill whispered, wincing slightly as a nurse adjusted the drip.

"You can, I know you'll be just fine" Gordon replied, helping Jill to sit up slightly.

"Gordon I really don't. Something'll happen. I know it will" Jill said the fear in her eyes becoming more obvious.

"And the children. What'll happen to them?"

"It's ok. My mum's agreed to look after them for as long as it takes. They'll be absolutely fine. I'll bring them in if you'd like. Maybe not tomorrow, but the day after perhaps? They'll be fine." Gordon said, standing up, before sitting back down again.

"They don't know what's wrong do they? What's wrong with me Gordon?" Jill asked, the floodgates threatening to open at any time.

"I don't know darling I really don't and I wish I knew" Gordon replied, wiping a stray tear away from Jill's pale face.

_How much longer? I just want this over and done with. As quickly as possible. I know he said this evening, and that I'm last on his list but what if his list goes on forever? I know mine sometimes is. But as long as Gordon's here I'll be alright. Just as long as Gordon's here._

They both watched nervously for any sign of movement in their direction. Nothing. The wait was becoming unbearable, and Jill was becoming more and more agitated and nervous.

"How much longer?" She asked, almost anticipating his answer.

"I don't know. It shouldn't be long." Gordon replied, Jill nodding in agreement. That was what she was thinking.

"Can you do me one thing? " Jill asked, staring blankly into space.

"Sure darling... what is it?" He asked slightly confused.

"Come down with me. I don't want to be on my own." She asked, closing her eyes momentarily.

"Of course... I'll hold your hand all the way. And I promise I'll be here when you wake up. Ok?" He replied, taking her hand in his. She smiled.

_See. I've got Gordon watching over me. I'll be fine. Keep telling myself that. Keep breathing and remain positive. How I'll manage to do that I don't know.But I'll try. I have to. Anything could happen in there. Anything at all._

_I watch nervously as two nurses walk towards my bed. This must be it. Remember the children's game hide and seek? Ready or not here I come. Well they've found me and I'm not ready. Not ready in the slightest._

They watched as they came closer, the older nurse clutching a small brown folder, in which were her notes.

"Hi. Just need to run through a few things before you go down. Shouldn't be long now" The nurse added, only adding to Jill's nerves. She looked at her notes before continuing.

"Any other hospital admissions we should know about?" The nurse said, her pen carefully poised.

"Erm.. I erm... gave birth 9 months ago. If that's what you mean" Jill replied, wondering if that was significant.

"And the birth... natural? Any problems since?" The nurse asked, jotting down anything.

"It was a natural. And no problems since. Very straightforward" Jill replied, wondering what this had to do with anything.

_This is all I need. The Spanish inquistition. Great._

The questions continued.

"Any allergies?"

"No. None that I'm aware of"

"And who's your GP?"

"Dr Cheriton. Over at The Royal" The nurse wrote all this down, nodding attentively.

"Ok. That's great. I've just spoken to Dr Walker, and you're next. Not long now. Any questions?"

_Perfect opportunity. I've got loads of things on my mind... best say them now eh?_

"There are two things"

"Sure... what are they?"

"Can Gordon come down with me? Please" She asked, dreading the nurses answer.

"Yes, of course he can. What was the other thing?"

"Afterwards. What'll happen afterwards?" She asked nervously.

"Well, straight after the operation you'll go into recovery, and then you'll come back onto the ward, where Gordon will be waiting" The nurse said, her soft Irish tone providing a comfort.

The other nurse returned, with the words that Jill was secretly dreading...

"They're ready for you now..."


	12. Almost here

Almost here

A/N: This is a bit of a filler, really. It's still within the story, and it's setting up for the next big thing in the story.

_It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Watching her go down there, into a state of nothingness. I could tell right from the start she was scared, terrified even. She kept looking to me, but I wasn't here for her really. I was almost here. I know I could've said more, been a little more supportive towards her. I could've done better._

_I decide to go for a wander outside, not for long though. Clear my head a little. As I approach the door I remember just how cold it is, the cold strong wind really hitting hard, making me stop momentarily, before continuing. I stand out there for what seems like a lifetime. Watching everyone else._

_I look down at my watch. It's been two hours already. I decide it can't be that much longer and walk nervously back to the warmth of the ward, waiting, wishing and hoping. Waiting for her, wishing for her to be Ok, and hoping. Hoping to get her home soon, back in the comfort of home._

_Been thinking about what she said earlier. About the new doctor. And you know what? She's right. We do need another one, someone to lighten the load a little. I don't mind if they're temporary or permanent, but she'll get her wish. Her only wish._

Gordon watched nervously as a nurse approached him, looking serious.

_Why is she looking so serious?? no, no it can't be..no... she's not.. please no_

"Gordon? I've just spoken to Dr Walker... It's all over. Jill's in recovery but she's doing fine! She'll be back on the ward soon" Gordon breathed a huge sigh of relief and sunk wearily into the chair beside her vacant bed, smiling broadly.

"Thank you... thank you"

_She's ok. She really got me thinking that Jill had... no. She's ok and that's all that counts now. My wish came true. I just hope hers does to._

It wasn't long before he saw her again. The sight that met his eyes shocked him, there were tubes everywhere, and she was sleeping soundly. He picked up her hand and started talking to her quietly.

"Hey... Nurse said everything's going to be ok now. You had me worried for a little while, but it's ok now. I'm sorry about earlier. I could've said more. I've let you down haven't I? But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. Promise. Been thinking about that idea of yours, and I really like it. I'll have words, and I'm going to make it happen. And I mean that. I love you so much, and that's one thing you can be absolutely certain of" And as he said that Jill's eyes flickered, Gordon's wish now coming true.

"And I love you" Jill whispered, turning to face him. Jill smiled weakly.

_I made it. I actually did. And Gordon's here. Here to celebrate my little victory. I know it's not much but it means a lot to me, and to Gordon. Being here to him means the world. I feel really tired, and __strange. I don't want Gordon to go, I don't want to be here on my own. But I'd probably be so out of it, it wouldn't be long before morning. Judgement day. They tell me I'm doing fine. Let's just hope it stays that way._

Her eyes became heavy once more, and she fell asleep, Gordon making sure she was warm enough, pulling the sheets and blankets up. He leant over and kissed her goodnight, after which he whispered into her ear...

"Sleep well darling. I'll be back in the morning". And he left, heading back to his family...


	13. The morning after

The morning after

_The morning after the night before. So strange, waking up and she's not there. Helped having mum around, being able to dedicate her time to the children. I wonder how she is this morning. Can't say it's been easy for her either. Last night everything happened so quickly noone really knew what was going on. I've going to go in and see Mr Middleditch later, sort a few things out. I know she won't be awake yet, Maddie said she'd be sedated for a while, and that she won't be fully awake until mid morning.They said they'd ring when she was up to visitors. They rang earlier, saying she had a comfortable night. Comfortable could mean absolutely anything._

Later that morning Gordon made the short journey to the Royal. He wasn't sure what they knew, so wasn't sure of what to expect on his return. As he walked through the familiar white doors, he was met by Lizzie and Ken, who were standing behind reception, talking.

"Dr Ormerod... What a nice surprise" Lizzie said, smiling broadly.

"I'm not staying today, I'm just here to pick up a few things, speak to Mr Middleditch. Is he in his office?"

"Yes, he said to expect you. You're not leaving are you?" Ken said, saying what everyone else was thinking. Gordon laughed.

"No. Of course I'm not leaving. I'm just taking some time off. I'd best get going. Would hate to keep him waiting!"

_They obviously don't know. Which is a good thing. Once Lizzie knows it'll spread around like wildfire, and soon everyone will know. Right. This is it then. Time to face the music..._

Gordon hesitated before knocking on the door, and walking inside. As was expected Mr Middleditch was sitting proudly behind his desk, but to his surprise Matron was there too.

"Ah... Gordon. Please sit down. I've asked Matron to sit in, I hope that's alright?" Gordon nodded nervously.

"I'm sorry to hear about Jill... how is she?" Mr Middleditch asked, looking sympathetically towards Gordon.

"Well she was taken into theatre late last night, and she's been sedated for the time being. But all the early signs are good"

"Oh that is good to hear, I'm glad she's doing well. Always been a fighter young Weatherill. Never thought otherwise. Do they know what happened yet?"

"They'll tell her when she's awake, but it's nothing serious. That I am certain. " Gordon looked at Matron, who hadn't yet said anything.

"Do we know how long she'll be off for? It's just we'll need to arrange a locum" Matron asked.

"I'm not sure yet, there's a long way to go yet. My guess is 8 weeks maximum. Depending on the outcome that is" Gordon replied, somehow managing to confidently answer the vast amount of questions that were being fired at him.

"Yesterday. Jill mentioned something. I've been thinking about it and now I'd like to ask for your opinion"

"Go on"

"Well, she said that we need a new doctor. Someone to lighten the load a little, and what with Jill off and I'll not be working for a couple of weeks, It'll be easier for everyone. She said she'd been thinking about it for a while"

"Well, that is a good idea. Come to mention it, we seem to have had a lot of new patients registering lately. Another doctor would certainly even it out a bit. Yes, leave it with me and I'll make a few phone calls"

"Thank you" Gordon made his excuses and left, hoping not to be interrupted on his way out. He desperately had to be somewhere, and no-one was going to stop him. They could try, but they'll never succeed. For he, was a man on a mission...

_She's going to get her wish. Just like I got mine. Can't wait to tell her. Should brighten up her day. Yeah. She'll like that._


	14. The Analyst

_I made it I guess. Made it through the night. On my own. Yeah. Made it through on my own. Now let's see how much of today I can get through without crying helplessly into Gordon's arms like I probably will. So here it is. Judgement day. Day that I learn what is wrong with me. I feel like my life is on hold. It can't go forwards and it cannot go backwards. What happens next rests entirely on what that little piece of paper says. And, as we all know, it could say anything. I can't do this. Not on my own. I'm going to play chicken and ask that I have Gordon here before they tell me anything. _

_I'm so tired. Tired and uncomfortable. These tubes are so restricting, and they make my hands feel like they've got lead weights sitting ontop of them, making any movement difficult. Even reaching for a glass of water is hard. _

_I dropped a glass of water this morning. Completely accidental mind, but thankfully sister was OK with it all. Says it's common. She says the antibiotics are the reason for my arm feeling so heavy, but they won't last. It'll only be a couple of days._

_Antibiotics?? I don't understand. Can't be what I thought then. Must be an infection or something. I'm confused to say the least. I don't know what's wrong with me and nobody will tell me. _

She watched as the nurses entered the ward, ready for their shift. They looked bright and cheery, something that she wasn't. One of them, a sister, was accompanied by a doctor, one that she recognised from the night before. And behind them, looking tired and formal, where the relatives of the patients. She looked wearily for him, before giving in to the tiredness that had now overwhelmed her.

"Jill... Jill it's me" _Who's there? I can't quite pick out who that voice is. And why are they saying my name? Gordon's not here yet.. or is he?_

_I want to open my eyes and look, but I almost have to force them open. And, true to his word, there he is. Standing over me, with sister, and someone I remember from last night. Can't remember who he is though/_

"Jill...Hey sweetie... it's me" Gordon started, his grip on her hand tightening, sitting down beside her.

"Morning" She replied, yawning quietly. She looked at the crowd that was now gathering around her, all eyes down, and focussing on her.

"How are you?" Gordon asked, carefully thinking what to say.

"Tired. Uncomfortable. Anyway... is someone going to tell me what's wrong with me?" She asked, the junior doctor smiling awkwardly as he read the piece of paper.

"Well... You had what we call an Appendicular abscess. Quite rare. But, the outlook is good. It's why you've been feeling so ill. The symptoms fitted perfectly." He started, Jill managing a weak smile.

"So.. why?" She asked.

"It's a added complication of appendicitis. No-one knows why really. But like I said, the outlook is good."

"What will happen now?"

"Well I'd like to keep you on the antibiotics for now, and you'll be here for a week to 10 days. See how things go eh?"

She nodded shyly, happy with the diagnosis and reassured.

_That was it?! I thought I was dying or something. I actually did. But that's pretty serious stuff...Would explan an awful lot though, like why I felt rough for as long as I did. __But at least I can get better now. And I've got Gordon's hand to hold, which makes everything ten times better..._


	15. How to save a life

_She's awake. Well she was, she nodded off a while ago. I know she'll rise above this, back to normal in no time. I just want her home now. Maybe next week. I place her bag next to her bed, tucking it under the chair out of harms way. She must've been unwell for sometime, yet she carried on, like the fighter she is. Now she has a new fight on her hands, against herself._

_I turn and look at her. She's positively beautiful. I have good news for her, but I won't tell her yet. As I look I hear crying, and notice tears falling slowly down her pale face._

"Jill...Jill what is it? Shall I get someone?" He asked, squeezing her hand reassuringly. She shook her head.

"I just want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore" She said, wiping away her tears.

"I know darling but you're in the best place. And you'll be out before long. Look I want you home too, but you have to trust me. You'll be fine, but you have to trust me"

_That's just it. Do I trust them? But I don't want to stay here. But maybe Gordon's right. Like I've said before if Gordon says it's ok then it's ok with me too. I know he won't do anything if he thought it wasn't right. He's not like that. So I decide to accept what he says. He always knows best._

"Ok, I guess you're right. And I do trust you"

"Anyway .. I've got something good to tell you"

"Oh? What?"

"I spoke to Mr Middleditch about that idea of yours and he's all for it. Making a few phone calls"

"That's great"

Meanwhile back at the Royal Mr Middleditch had news for everyone, and had called a senior staff meeting.

"Right thank you for coming. I know you're all busy so I'll keep it short. First of all I have spoken to Gordon and Jill won't be back for several weeks. However she is on the road to recovery and she is doing well. The second main thing is that we have a new doctor starting next week. Dr McCawley comes highly recommended, and he previously worked in the US navy. Now he'll be covering for Dr Weatherill, and he'll also be taking on new patients. Any questions"

"When's Dr Ormerod returning?" Sister Brigid asked.

"I've spoken to him and he'll be returning part time in a fortnight" Mr Middleditch answered, before being interrupted by Lizzie.

"Sorry to interrupt but Frankie's on his way back with an emergency. " She said, smiling awkwardly.

"Yes, ok than you Lizzie" Matron responded, before Mr Middleditch allowing them all to get back to work.

Before he reached casualty, David stopped. He was then joined by Sister B.

"Everything alright Doctor?"

"Yes, just thinking that's all."

"What about? Anything I can help you with?"

"Worried about Jill, and thinking about the new guy that's all sister"

"She'll be ok. Dr Ormerod's with her, and I'm sure he'll let you visit. And there's no need to worry. Should get back to work eh?" And with that they walked through to casualty, ready to do what they did best... saving lives.


	16. New arrival

A week later

A/N: This is a filler chapter again, just to introduce the new character. This is where the Pearl harbour references come in. Basically he's related to Rafe McCawley, who's played by Ben Affleck in the film Pearl harbour. Should work quite well!

A tall man walked into reception, wearing a long grey overcoat and freshly ironed suit. His strawberry blonde hair stood out, making him instantly recognisable.

"Hi. Is Mr Middleditch around? I have a meeting with him?" He said in a soft instantly recognizable American accent.

"Erm.. He's in his office. Who shall I say it is?" Lizzie asked curiously.

"I'm Dr McCawley. It's my first day" He said, taking in his surroundings. Lizzie's smile grew wider.

"Oh yes of course. I'll just go tell him you're here" She replied, before running down to his office. Mr Middleditch returned.

"Hi... you must be James McCawley? Nice of you to join us at such short notice. If you'd follow me, I'll introduce you to everyone. I take it you've already met Lizzie, our lovely receptionist?"

"Yes, she's been most welcoming" James added, before making his way down towards the consulting rooms.

"Here's yours. Next to Dr Weatherill's. Should have everything you need" Mr Middleditch said, handing James the key. They went in, James leaving his things on his desk, before continuing.

"I'm sure you'll get along fine with Dr's Ormerod and Weatherill. They're really nice, and very experienced. Anyway this is Fawcett ward, and there's ahh Sister"

"Morning Mr Middleditch. And to what do we owe this pleasure?"

"Dr McCawley I'd like to introduce you to Sister Brigid, and there's Dr David Cheriton, one of our other doctors." On hearing his name, David walked over, smiling.

"Hi. I'm David. You must be the new doctor?" He said, holding out his hand.

"Hi. I'm James McCawley. Nice to meet you all."

"I'm sure David will be able to show you around and you can learn the ropes eh?" James smiled, eager to get on.

"Of course. Shall we?" David suggested, and James smiled.

"So. What made you come here?"

"Fancied a change. "James said, eagerly following David around.

" Went to America once. Stayed out there for a week. Whereabouts are you from?" David asked curiously.

"Tennessee. Moved here a couple of years ago." James asked, smiling, looking around him curiously, his tall frame towering over his.

"Well I hope you'll like it here!" David said, James' infectious smile now beginning to wear off on him.

"Yes. I think I will!" James said.

_It seems so lovely here. Can't help but think that I'm going to be here for a while. Everyone seems so lovely, and it's a half a world away from where I used to be. But yeah. I'm going to be really happy here._


	17. All good things

A/N : Wow! Didn't realise I'd get this far! Wow. Anyway thanks for all the reviews, so keep them coming! I'm going to try and finish it before New years, so It'll be updated every day, well that's the aim anyway. Again this is a filler chapter. Tie a few loose ends.

It had been a week and everything was looking better. James, the new doctor, had settled in and turned a few heads, and Jill was spending what was to be her last day in hospital, before being released back into normality. She sat there, eagerly awaiting Gordon's arrival, staring blankly at the empty glass.

"So. That dishy husband of yours coming in later?" April, the patient next to her asked. Over the past week they had become good friends.

"Yeah. Can't wait" Jill replied, smiling at the thought of seeing Gordon again. She was sat there, dressed, her hair neatly tied into a ponytail, staring at the clock.

"So. If you don't mind me asking. How did he... erm... pop the question?" She asked, Jill turning to face her, looking at the ring in question.

"Well, it was the most romantic night ever. We went out, after work. Walked down by the beach, and he got all funny, talking about commitment and joking. Got back and lay in the garden, staring up at the stars. It was beautiful. Then he asked me to marry him. I accepted straight away, and then I kissed him" Jill said, tears building up in her eyes, remembering that one evening in July. She wiped them away.

"Wow. Definitely a romantic eh?" Jill nodded, laughing, although it hurt to do so. She smiled, the happiest she'd been all week.

"Looks the romantic type. You really miss him don't you? It's just some nights I heard you crying when everyone else was asleep" Jill nodded once more, again trying to fight all the tears away. April got off her bed, and walked slowly towards Jill's. She sat down beside her.

"Yeah. The nights are the hardest. Thinking of him and the children all together, having fun. Can't wait to join them. But I miss him all the same." Jill said, giving in and letting the tears flow freely, sobbing quietly into a pillow.

"Hey... it's ok. You'll be with them soon, joining in. Just think. While you're laid up in bed you can get him to do everything for you... bringing you things, keeping an eye on the children, you know, like special treatment. Get him to spoil you eh? You deserve it" Jill looked up, and smiled.

_Yeah. She's right. There are things that I could get him to do, and I think after all this I do deserve some special treatment. Should be a laugh._

James walked into his office, glancing over his patient list. Both Gordon and David had informed him about Jill's patients. They'd informed him of the hypochondriacs, the regulars and those who were genuinely ill. Yet he took it with good grace, and he proceeded to see them. He often wondered about this mysterious Dr Weatherill, like who she was, and whether he would get along with her. Everyone he spoke to said he will, and she seems to be really popular. Really missed. Like his brother. He left his brother back home, in Tennessee. His decorated pilot brother. He paused as Lizzie made an impromptu entrance.

"Sorry, but I just found this." She said, handing the letter to James. He thanked her and she left. He opened the letter, and began to read it.

_Dear James._

_I heard about your new job. Can't say I've visited England since I flew with the Eagle squadron, but it has probably changed a lot. Will have to come over and see you. Bring the family perhaps._

_Danny sends his best. He's not flying anymore, lost his confidence a long time ago. But I take him up sometimes, in an old crop duster that I done up. Doctor says that's the best he's ever going to be __now,__ and they took his wings away, which tore him apart. The Doolittle raid ended all that. __Wasn't even successful in my eyes._

_Evelyn's __good,__ says she misses seeing you around the hospital. They all do. But I'm glad you've stretched your wings and ventured out, always knew you would. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time, but I must warn you – the sea there is awfully cold! Found that one out a long time ago._

_Anyway I'll let you go now. _

_Write back soon,_

_Rafe, Danny and Evelyn xxx_


	18. One step forward

A couple of weeks later, and Jill was now at home, revelling in the company of Gordon and the children . April was right. Gordon had been running around after her and indeed spoiling her. A little too much, in her opinion. He had a protective streak, which had definately become more prominent. She longed to be back at work, but unbeknown to her Gordon had a surprise planned, and everybody from work was involved too, including the children.

The plan was to throw a low key, quiet party. Get people from work round, including James, who was still getting to know everybody. Gordon had already returned to work, part time and couldn't wait to have Jill back too. He missed her, but they enjoyed the regular phonecalls, and the impromptu visits. She had Mrs Ormerod for company, but it wasn't the same.How could it be?

The night of the party dawned and Gordon and the children were busy decorating. Tom was busy eating the remnants of the cakes that they had made, Katie was sorting the music and Jonathon was asleep in his cot, unaware of the chaos that was unfolding around him. Jill was also completely unaware of what was happening, but was slightly confused as to why Tom and Katie were so quiet. She made her way downstairs, and smelt the lovely cake smell coming from the kitchen. And then she walked into then living room, where balloons lay all over the floor. Then it dawned on her.

_A party!! That's what's kept them busy all afternoon. They've decided to throw a party. But it's noone's birthday. So why? Why are they throwing a party? Oh. Unless it's supposed to be a surprise, in which case... I'd better go, pretend I know nothing.Should close the door. Yeah. I'll change and hide away upstairs. Pretend I'm sleeping._

It wasn't long before the guests started arriving, first was Ken, Lizzie, Sister B and Alun, followed by David, James and Frankie. Jill was still upstairs, when Gordon came in.

"Hey... fancy coming downstairs.. don't tell them that you know but we've decided to throw a small party" Jill's face lit up, and she got up out of bed.

"How do I look?" She asked.

"Absolutely stunning. Shall we?" And they walked slowly out to the garden, they were met by a sea of friendly faces, many of whom she hadn't seen for a while.

"Hi... so nice to see you" David said, smiling broadly. Shaking her hand, before pulling James over.

"James.. I'd like you to meet Dr Jill Weatherill. Jill this is Dr James McCawley" Jill smiled, pleased with what she saw.

"Hi.. nice to meet you at last" James said, smiling broadly.

_So this is the mysterious Dr Weatherill? Wow. Nothing like I imagined her to be. Don't know what I imagined, it's just she seems genuinely lovely. Think I'm going to be OK here. Really OK. Everyone's so welcoming__ and so friendly. I love it here! What to say though? Hmmmm..._

"So. How are you?" James asked nervously.

"Better, thanks. So. How are you finding things?"

"I'm loving it already. Everyone's very welcoming, and it's lovely"

"Oh well I'm pleased. Look forward to working with you"

"Yes. Likewise. Can't wait" And with that they parted, Jill going to sit down with Jonathon and James going off to mingle with David.

"So, what do you think?" Gordon asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah. He seems really nice. Can't wait to get back. Back to the madhouse" She said, laughing a little.

"Well we'll have to see. He's got potential definately. So. How are you now?" He asked.

"Erm... I'm ok. Really ok. Things still feel a little strange, and it hurts to laugh or cry. But apart from that, yeah I'm fine" They were once again interrupted by Matron.

"Hi It's so nice to see you again Jill. You look a lot better. Can't wait to see you back"

"Thank you Matron, I feel it"

As the party wore on both Jill and Jonathon became tired quickly, and made the decision to go up to bed.

"Gordon I'm going to go to bed, I'm not feeling very sociable any more. Anyway Jonathon's tired and I need to take my meds" She said, struggling to get up. James and David rushed over as she sank to the floor

"Jill... are you ok?" James asked.

"Yes I'll be fine in a minute" She replied, David helping Jill onto the chair.

_What's going on? Why do my legs feel really wobbly? This is really scary now, and I just want to go to bed. And my head feels all heavy. My heart is going faster and faster, and it hurts to breathe. People are telling me that it'll be ok, but I'm not sure..._


	19. C'est la vie

_A card arrived this morning. Kind of unexpected really. Anyway it arrived when Gordon was at work. Didn't recognize the handwriting. Anyway I opened it..._

_Dear Jill,_

_I'm so glad you are doing ok, and I hope that lovely husband of yours is spoiling you. Must say you're family are lovely, and we'll have to meet up again sometime. Doc let me out couple of days ago, and that's it. All over. Anyway I gave you my number, we should meet again sometime, hopefully in better circumstances._

_April x_

_That was lovely. I decide to put it up with all the others, but right in the middle, next to the children. Gordon will probably have a good look when he gets back. It's what he usually does. But I'm fine, he just needs to relax a little. Stayed up with me again last night, but things are looking up. Maddie said another couple of weeks and I can start back at work. Really looking forward to it._

She walked into Jonathon's room, where he was quietly sleeping. He smiled as he slept, thinking of just how much she had missed him. She sat down in the chair beside him.

"Maybe daddy will pop back and see us eh?" She whispered. Tensing as pain quickly swept through her. She breathed a sigh of relief as it passed.

_Gordon said it was all perfectly normal. But I don't know what normal is anymore_

Gordon sat in his office, staring blankly out of the window, then at a picture of Jill and Jonathon that sat proudly on his desk.

He missed them. There was no denying that. Maybe he could pop back, just for a little while, and ask James to cover for a bit. He'd be ok with that. He grabbed his coat and walked into reception, where Lizzie was standing.

"Lizzie.. I'm going to pop home for a bit... check on Jill. Anything happens call me" He said, rushing out of the door.

As he neared the house he smiled. _Just a little while though, or Matron will kill me! Just a little while._

"Jill... Jill It's me" He shouted, removing his coat and placing it on the back of the sofa. He went upstairs, and found Jill in Jonathon's room. He stood behind her, and placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned round, and saw Gordon standing there.

"Hey.. everything Ok? Said I'd come back" He said, kneeling down beside her.

"Yeah. Just fancied sitting with Jonathon for a while. How's work?"

"Yeah. Nothing new. Bit too quiet if you ask me. How is the little man?"

"He's good. Fast asleep. Missed you"

"Missed you too. So. What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much. Started some paperwork, tidied up. The usual" She said, smiling weakly. She stood up, and walked out, followed by Gordon. They walked into the bedroom, where Jill eased herself onto the bed. They sat there, in an awkward silence.

"It's horrible. Being at work without you" He said, slowly melting the ice which had formed between them.

"Can't wait to be back. Hate staying in. Can't even go outside without a chaperone, making sure I'm ok"

"It's only a couple more weeks, and besides, you won't be doing many things outside of the hospital for a while. But at least its a change of scenery for you"

"Yeah. I guess. And it'll be something to do. "

_He said everything will be ok. And it is. Everything seems so much brighter now, and I'm a lot more hopeful. Guess talking things through really helped after all... _


	20. Epilogue

Epilogue

A/N : So this is the last part of my fic, and thank you for all the fab comments!! This should just round everything up, and give it the ending it deserves. Enjoy!!

_Looking back now, I understand both more and less. But this much is certain. Life is what you make it, and should live every day. Always helps to have an extra supportive superman type husband who sometimes refuses to leave you and the love and warmth of a family, and the joys that children bring._

_It's all well being a doctor, treating patients and sending them on their way. But it's when the tables are turned, and you are the patient, you realise what you're putting them through, and can get some idea of what it is that both them and their families are experiencing. Like when you first tell them you have to admit them, the fear, anxiety that strikes a cruel blow. Then there's the time away from the ones you love most, spending cold lonely nights alone, wondering what tomorrow brings. But the elation when you are reunited with your family at home shadows everything else._

_It's times like this which make you stop and think. One minute your life is going great, and then everything pauses. On hold until you get it going again. No one else can do it for you. Others can help along the way, but you have the final say. Get your life back on track. And believe me, it's much harder than you think. I guess the only reason I have managed to get my life back on track is because I have amazing people to help me. And it's those people I owe a lot to. _

_I've been on the other side now, and hopefully nothing like this will ever happen again. Now I understand fully what every one of my patients feels, and I can understand their anxiety completely. Sympathise with them. In a way I guess Gordon can too, but saying that he's always had a rapport with his patients and their relatives. He's naturally very sympathetic, and has always been caring. Could say it's partly why I fell in love with him, and why we've stayed together so long. Couldn't have gone through this alone, and I'm so lucky to have had Gordon, who has really put himself out and stayed up for hours with me. And for that I'm really fortunate._

_What does the future hold? To be honest I don't know. Work, possibly more children, work and many happy years as a family, watching the children grow up. Something Gordon and I are partly dreading, partly looking forward to. Watching them have families of their own, successful careers etc. _

_So that's it. Chapter of my life over. Back to normality. But, as they say, as one door closes, another one opens..._


End file.
